tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69585013104899065372024-03-14T06:58:42.754-07:00Captions of ChristyChristy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.comBlogger112125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-70524793788332476492023-10-02T16:50:00.006-07:002023-10-02T17:28:21.495-07:00<p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;">Two
more weeks of radiation to go. And just as they said I would be, I am tired. The
burns are becoming more severe, but I know this is necessary to counter the aggression
of the disease. The team of radiation techs I see daily at treatment are the
sweetest. I am so grateful for the gentle souls surrounding me with care. 12
more sessions/doses to go. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Grad
school is back in full swing. I am currently scheduled to finish Dec 2024 with my
masters in Global Leadership with an emphasis in Islamic Studies. The world of
Islam and the way it shapes culture will forever be fascinating to me. I am
eating it up.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">The
end of October I will begin a crazy travel season with work trips to Iraq and
Bolivia, followed by a personal trip to Cairo, Egypt over Thanksgiving. Some of
you know that Egypt was my home for 2 years, and I have not been back since I
left in Dec 2011. To say I am excited would be an understatement. To me, Egypt
is the most mysterious, mystical, passion filled place on the planet. It’s
tough, but the people are incredibly genuine. Some special reunions
await. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><b><span face=""Arial",sans-serif" style="color: #899900; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"> </span></b><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Overall,
I am in good spirits and feeling more and more like my old self. It’s amazing
the small things that are big deals in this journey "back to
normalcy". I know fully that "normal" will never be as it once
was...and I am learning to be okay with that. I have been granted a miraculous
peace I cannot explain. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">I am
asking for prayer as I begin my hormone blocker in October. My type of cancer
is driven by estrogen, so as difficult as it is to do this, I need to stop its
effect on my body. It’s pretty terrifying to put my body into the unnatural
state of menopause so early, and the side effects are known to be rough. This
will be the norm for the next 5 years. I am also praying against increased
issues with lymphedema from the radiation and hoping the reconstruction will hold
up. I do not want to face additional surgeries of radiation induced
damage. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"> </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Thank
you for checking in, praying for me, and encouraging me. Smiling with a heart
of deep gratitude as I am a few weeks away from the anniversary of my
diagnosis. What a year. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><br /><p></p>Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-10317658767391685532023-08-28T15:59:00.000-07:002023-08-28T15:59:07.791-07:00<p> </p><div>It’s been a while since an update, but there is reason for that.<br /></div><div><div class="gmail_quote"><div lang="EN-US" link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><p class="MsoNormal"><u></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" dir="auto">Since chemotherapy ended in April, I have been continuing my immunotherapy treatments every three weeks, while waiting for my surgical wounds to completely heal, and doing OT to help with lymphedema. But tomorrow is the big
day. It’s the start of my radiation. <u></u><u></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As some of you know I am in remission, so whether or not radiation is necessary is a debated topic within the Oncology world. As a result, I have been processing through an internal struggle with whether or not to sign off on this next phase
of treatment. But despite the chronic risks, I am officially moving forward (I mean it this time). </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">After an amazing summer of traveling abroad to Africa and South America for work, I will be staying put for radiation treatment 5 days a week through October. However, trips are already being planned for later in the fall, and I am more than ready to resume my work in its
full capacity. Flying far away is a nice distraction from the reality of everything, if I am being totally honest.<u></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" dir="auto">Would you pray for me? I am nervous about the risks of radiation intensifying my lymphedema and potentially destroying my reconstruction. Also, starting in December, I will start my 5-year hormone blocker medication. As someone who generally hates
taking medication, this is extremely difficult to accept.<u></u></p><p class="MsoNormal">Tomorrow night I have a scheduled chat with a good friend who was just diagnosed with an invasive form of colon cancer. Another friend is awaiting results to see if her breast cancer has spread to her lungs. It makes me sad, angry, and anxious, watching loved ones goes through this.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Cancer is not going away. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">These past 10 months have been painful, but I remain in good spirits. Never would I have imagined the loss of so much in such a short time period… my hair, my fertility, my independence. But despite the challenges, I rest in the reality that our
peace is not determined solely by our circumstances. <u></u><u></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I look forward to another update in 6 weeks, when radiation is done!</p><p class="MsoNormal"> My hair is coming back in full force. Eyelashes are taking their sweet time Pic below:</p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj_BKqb7mojQpXEW9U8wQISit4Q2u4Fs2ldaDSgmcBqS5kwBKGZHQZ0xhbazVoZO-bBIPdNr-d9wmOVMqGdwnmbJ_eYJTyjyb-X5OAbl2fphzefbFDZfWww3cRU-dJOjGrKhBEHPb2psbT7dRd4_Ue1j-b9vMjJ8YlYEoHuLFc0P0goJ95XdLSW3uSn49NN" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1875" data-original-width="1170" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj_BKqb7mojQpXEW9U8wQISit4Q2u4Fs2ldaDSgmcBqS5kwBKGZHQZ0xhbazVoZO-bBIPdNr-d9wmOVMqGdwnmbJ_eYJTyjyb-X5OAbl2fphzefbFDZfWww3cRU-dJOjGrKhBEHPb2psbT7dRd4_Ue1j-b9vMjJ8YlYEoHuLFc0P0goJ95XdLSW3uSn49NN" width="150" /></a></div><br /> <p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><u></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u></u> Thank you, again.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><u></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u></u> </p></div></div></div>Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-85792923407800397402023-06-21T10:33:00.005-07:002023-06-21T10:40:15.056-07:00The New Normal <p>Hello all,</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It’s been a while since my last update. Several things were lingering
and I wanted to wait for confirmation before updating you. As the treatment plan
is progressing, there have been a few hiccups along the way, which is typical when this
many medical professionals, schedules, and opinions are involved. Knowing I
serve a sovereign God has made this frustrating process manageable. I can’t
fathom doing this without the hope of Christ and the peace He brings.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I am continuing occupational therapy twice a week to deal with
cording issues in my left arm. My OT said it was the worst case she had ever seen. I have full range of motion again and no pain. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Please pray the cords continue to dissolve</b>.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Due to the loss of 9 lymph nodes, I do have lymphedema, but
up until now the swelling is minimal. I am wearing compression garments daily
to help keep the swelling under control. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Please
pray I get access to the pressure machine being ordered.</b> This will be an hour-long
treatment I will do from home everyday, going forward.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Radiation has been scheduled for August 21<sup>st</sup> and
will be 5 days a week for 6 weeks. There are some side effects I am
particularly concerned about<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">. Will you
pray if does not destroy the reconstruction that is still healing? Will you
also pray it does not increase the swelling from the lymphedema?</b> Both
outcomes are possibilities I need to be prepared for.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Starting in July, they will put me on a hormone blocker due to the role of estrogen in my cancer. This will immediately put my body into menopause. For obvious reasons, I am terrified. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I am asking for prayer for the side effects.<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNormal">Hair on my head is coming in thick, eyebrows have returned, and eye lashes are on their way (yet in an awkward stage of curly). These are all good things :) </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Thank you for your care and prayers. They are needed and deeply appreciated.<o:p></o:p></p>Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-1242369948553877242023-05-19T08:46:00.003-07:002023-05-19T08:59:32.283-07:00Decisions and Lessons<p> </p><p class="MsoNormal">I didn’t know it was possible to feel so disconnected from
my own body. Once a unified entity that made me whole, it can feel as if flesh
is now the enemy…that the soul and body are in a war with one another. Carrying
cancer cells, one must come to terms with the fact that a peace treaty can never truly be
reached. Trust has been broken. Safety and security are a thing of the past. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I am not saying I am scared, angry, or paranoid. Actually, I
am none of those things. But I have had to accept my new reality
that my body decides what happens next. Apart from the delicate realization of
what life may become, is my newfound acceptance of what <i>I</i> have become. You don’t
realize how attached you are to pieces of your identity until they are gone. In
my case, it happened over time. But, one morning I woke up and it hit me…hard.
I looked in the mirror at the woman with short hair, a puffy face, manufactured chest,
and no eyebrows. My eyelashes are doing their best to hang on, meaning the synthetic
ones are still in their box. Ecstatic for the little wins, I wasn’t expecting. Each day I make the decision to put on the wig, because in a sense I feel
more like myself. As my hair grows back, courser and with gray, I ponder how I will
look (and feel a year from now). Will I ever choose to go wigless to work? <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Sometimes I get tired of the process…fearful of what all these
procedures and meds are actually doing to me. Radiation is about to start. It
was a tough decision to arrive at, as I went back and forth on what was ultimately best. On one hand I felt
confident enough with the “cancer free” declaration I received. But what if
they missed something? I couldn’t risk it. When dealing with an aggressive form (as mine is) it’s not something to play with. I struggled to come to a decision, but was grateful after the call to schedule radiation was made. It finally felt right.</p><p class="MsoNormal">So there I sat, staring at my
work computer in a daze, contemplating life altering decisions about my body, my peace of
mind, and what risks are worth taking. On the outside it looked like just
another day at the office. But I can assure you it was not. So many questions…so
many opinions....so much love and support.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I do not know what my body is doing, or will plan to do later down the
road. So if there is one lesson I am learning, it’s to release control. This
life lesson is challenging me to love other people better, to not waste what I
have been given, and to appreciate the joy in knowing God’s sovereignty is the safest
reality. <o:p></o:p></p>Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-48286088064196517252023-05-12T06:23:00.001-07:002023-05-12T06:31:41.717-07:00<p> I wanted to give you a little update to request specific prayer. </p><p>A couple of days after surgery, I noticed an acute pain in my left arm. Knowing lymphedema was a risk as a result of losing so many lymph nodes, I have been watching my arm closely. Yesterday, I was informed of two complications that have developed as a result of my surgery. First, I am showing signs of swelling in my left arm, which has been identified as chronic lymphedema. I will begin treatment for this condition, as well as receiving an arm brace I will need to wear from this point on. In addition to the brace, I will be using a machine to help with training the appropriate flow of fluid through my body. This is manageable, but definitely a life-long issue to learn to live with. I am processing this.</p><p>In addition to this news, the pain in my left arm was identified as webbing/axillary cording, which occurs when tissue forms a cord through the arm...or in my case, 2 cords. It will take about a month to dissolve this tissue, and radiation will be postponed until we can get this resolved. The treatment is extremely painful but will be worth it, once the cords dissolved and I have full use of my arm again.</p><p>Lastly, I am meeting with the Radiation Oncologist next week to see if I will move forward with radiation. While I know the Oncology team believes this is the best next step, I am not yet convinced that this is the right decision for my case. I am asking for prayer for wisdom.</p><p>I write to you today with a heart of thankfulness for the fact that I have access to treatment. But at the same time, this is a lot to process and absorb. I have moments of anxiety to sort through, but ultimately trust the sovereignty of a loving God. Thank you for the support and prayers. </p>Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-77230158248428972442023-05-02T11:41:00.000-07:002023-05-02T11:41:55.474-07:00<p>Short post.</p><p>Pathology report came back: clear of any visible cancer. I get to keep the rest of my lymph nodes. Whew!</p><p>We will complete radiation as the next step in the process, just to ensure we have attacked it from all angles (just in case).</p><p>To God be the glory. This is the best news. </p>Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-41803102505762532382023-04-25T11:51:00.005-07:002023-04-25T11:51:55.902-07:00<p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Yesterday, I had my surgery. And guess what? There was no sign of any cancer in any of the tissue tested, thanks to successful chemo treatments. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">However, they are testing the tissue further just to be sure. </span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">If cancer is detected, the remaining lymph nodes in that area will need to be removed. This makes me nervous due to the fact I am already at high risk for lymphedema, because they had to remove more lymph nodes than originally planned. This is what I am most concerned about, and should know in about a week. </span></p><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Also, Saturday morning I woke up with deep back pain on my left side, making it hard to walk. It is on the same side as my surgery wounds, so the left side of my body just hurts. Would you please pray? </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Overall, I am incredibly grateful for the results of my surgery. The reconstruction component could not have gone better and both surgeons were excited for the results of how everything looked. There were some potential complications that we did not end up facing. :)</div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I have been given pain medication to keep things under control, and I’m feeling stronger and more clearheaded than anticipated. My wonderful friend Jody, who is a Surgical PA, is here taking care of me this week. What a blessing. So much to be thankful for.</div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Next, radiation.</div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Thank you so much for praying. I appreciate you. </div>Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-12390295919952111312023-04-09T18:14:00.001-07:002023-04-09T18:14:10.742-07:00Next steps, New Realities <p>Chemo is officially over....well except for the last few days of side effects. But we'll call it a win. </p><p>Two days later, scans were being done to determine if the cancer had responded well to the chemo. It had. Glorious. But we are not out of the woods...not yet.</p><p>I will spare you all the details, but what I had anticipated would be a simple surgery is no longer the plan. Although the cancer has shrunk, the degree to which I am in the clear is still a little gray. There are some additional factors that have come to light, leading me to decide on the more invasive procedure that I had not been planning on. Thankfully, I have a sweet friend who is a surgical PA traveling in from out of state to be with me the week of surgery. Recovery won't be easy, but we're almost done. </p><p>The biggest concern I currently have is the situation around my lymph nodes. The hope is to remove the original 3 that tested positive for cancer...and no more. But I won't know until after surgery what else is found, and what occurred as a result. Please pray for this. Losing additional lymph nodes is currently my biggest source of anxiety.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjzVmepHS1b8gt_dTOxCsks8P1awN1tsWy9CmrK_vqosldvuK7C7qBiMyPaDSZjmXV08blwT2ZiIBsog80034vviGgDtniyJbaRLUnHE5XPeVAQeLJsBu6H08X2yR5pInuIUQJjlRi6q2fUGA9PIGPf0wNF8xjBL0XEtIQdZeD72TY-JXLnLGE-NZHs8g" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="768" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjzVmepHS1b8gt_dTOxCsks8P1awN1tsWy9CmrK_vqosldvuK7C7qBiMyPaDSZjmXV08blwT2ZiIBsog80034vviGgDtniyJbaRLUnHE5XPeVAQeLJsBu6H08X2yR5pInuIUQJjlRi6q2fUGA9PIGPf0wNF8xjBL0XEtIQdZeD72TY-JXLnLGE-NZHs8g" width="180" /></a></div><p></p><p>Surgery is tentatively scheduled for April 24th. Then we will plan for radiation. </p><p>Thank you for your support. Thank you for praying. </p><p><br /><br /></p>Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-74743532494846129152023-03-17T05:49:00.007-07:002023-03-17T06:02:38.381-07:00<p>They say to count your blessings. I can assure you, I am doing it, and it certainly makes a difference. </p><p>Even as I sit here writing this, my hands are shaking from the aftermath of treatment this week. In all honesty, I forget about this part until it sets in and I struggle holding a pen or successfully typing an email. </p><p>At dinner last night, my new fav Thai dish tasted off. It is only a matter of time before taste is gone and the mouth starts burning. At least I know what to expect, the order the side effects typically occur in, and how long they'll last. But the mouth issues are by far the worst. </p><p>However, my baby sister is in town, and has been the sweetest distraction. So as my eyebrows are now a thing of the past, and I am sure my eyelashes are not far behind...I thank God for the joy. </p><p>I never knew the kind of peace I am currently experiencing. It's peace I never even knew pre-cancer. </p><p>My life is not my own, and somehow there is freedom in that. It's a strange feeling of surrender.</p><p>So what are some of these blessings?</p><p>My heart test came back-no issues. It is functioning like normal.</p><p>My liver is responding to the new chemo dosage, beautifully</p><p>Amdist all this, I found a local church, and they have come alongside me from my first day I visited</p><p>Friends and family from all over the country have been visiting and staying with me through treatment cycles</p><p>Work has been incredible and accommodating</p><p>God has remained steadfast...He is so good.</p><p>One more chemo treatment to go, then surgery, then radiation, then immunal therapy will continue. </p><p>Don't get me wrong, this is still so hard, but my faith is growing and the peace is gift. </p><p>One step at a time.</p><p>Thank you for the prayers. </p><p><br /></p>Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-7762140282813563392023-02-22T10:25:00.000-08:002023-02-22T10:25:00.521-08:00<p>Short update:</p><p>I am so thankful for the prayers and ongoing support. Yesterday, I went in for treatment. After the blood draw, I was informed that my liver levels were still slightly elevated, and chemo may be postponed. I was discouraged because I was so close to the "safety zone" that it seemed overly cautious at that point.</p><p>However, after consulting with the pharmacist, and taking into consideration the 20% decrease in chemo they had ordered, the Oncologist gave the green light. So that is 4 chemos down with 2 more to go.</p><p>The next big hurdle is the assessment of my heart scheduled for next Wednesday. I am nervous about this because there are no obvious side effects if the heart is indeed being damaged by the chemo. This is also a common side effect of some of the medication I am on.</p><p>Please pray for my body as the routine side effects began first thing this morning. </p><p>I trust my sovereign Creator, but some days are just tough.</p><p>Choosing joy.</p><p>Thank you for accompanying me on this journey. </p><p><br /></p>Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-49867460496135329532023-02-15T07:47:00.001-08:002023-02-15T07:47:23.000-08:00<p>Still waiting. Yesterday, I went in for chemo, but my liver was not quite ready. I am a planner, and this is stretching me. So work meetings have been re-scheduled, my sister Emily's visit pushed back another week, girls weekends postponed, and another week of waiting. But I am okay. I would rather my Oncologist play it safe with my liver. She also made the decision to decrease my dosage by 20%, which I am hoping will lessen the side effects. They are lasting longer, and new ones are popping up. Again, thankful for antother week of tasting food ;) </p><p>My friend, Christy, came in from Charlotte to take me to chemo. She and I taught together in Charlotte when I lived there 2006-2009. It was two Tuesdays back to back with her, but no treatment. Instead, there was a lot of laughter and catching up. I needed the sweet distraction, and she was the perfect remedy to calm the stress of it all. Her 3 year old son, sent me with Paw Patrol bandages and the nurse was happy to use one after the blood draw. </p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJadTBLx7f163laNpOOiTGdWkonxbeNCeA6Q9677mwoA1qYjnMuWB0QSWHuQ1LqsdtUZaRqofwYhiLoZ8nKzDj6gDG0rO6MPNd3xJPKsQFw2Qc0efIGf88_M2eK33zHc--AnGPjtPr_29TkZvpYjlxkIwukpd3Yvv9hOaBEcdZuwCc0FQEPBb3ZFPLQQ/s4032/IMG-4183%20(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJadTBLx7f163laNpOOiTGdWkonxbeNCeA6Q9677mwoA1qYjnMuWB0QSWHuQ1LqsdtUZaRqofwYhiLoZ8nKzDj6gDG0rO6MPNd3xJPKsQFw2Qc0efIGf88_M2eK33zHc--AnGPjtPr_29TkZvpYjlxkIwukpd3Yvv9hOaBEcdZuwCc0FQEPBb3ZFPLQQ/s320/IMG-4183%20(1).jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p><p>Please continue to pray for my body and my mind through the chaos. In two weeks they will check my heart to see if the chemo is damaging it. This is something I am trying not to fixate on, but there are moments that my mind can wander a down a dark path. Trusting the soverign plan over it all. Thankful for each and every prayer sent up.</p><p>Thank you. </p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-1047796928137453672023-02-10T05:29:00.002-08:002023-02-10T05:36:40.383-08:00<p> Half way done, but things are more delicate than expected.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Last Tuesday, I went in for what I anticipated would be chemo
session #4 of 6. However, my Oncologist informed me that the state of my liver
was not in the appropriate shape to process another round, and therefore it would
be delayed at least a week. We need the numbers to be in the healthy range, but
several of the meds I am on are known to stress the liver. It’s frustrating
because it is difficult to schedule visitors, work trips, etc when infusions are not set in stone. So on
Tuesday, we will try again. I am thankful to have been able to move work meetings around, and still maintain consistency with responsibilities since the Turkey/Syria disaster is requiring more of me to support the team on the ground.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I have been much more tired this last round, with new side
effects popping up. They are also lasting longer and there are fewer “good days.” But I still say things are not as difficult as I had expected, going into all this. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> My incredible </span>parents
came for a 2-week time period and moved me into my new home, which has been
much more comfortable for hosting and recovery. Having a guest room is a game changer as I have had friends coming to stay with me from Portland, Savannah, and Charlotte over the past week. Each has been the sweetest distraction. I also have had local friends help with house projects when I needed an extra set of hands. I am in awe of people's service and support.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Please pray for my body, and in particular the liver. I am
ready to be done so we can move into surgery and radiation. I am also ready to
have my hair back <span face=""Segoe UI Emoji",sans-serif" style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol-ext; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: "Segoe UI Emoji";">😊 </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Thank you so much for the support and prayers. <o:p></o:p></p>Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-28018625632720659902023-01-03T06:39:00.003-08:002023-01-03T06:39:50.544-08:00<p> </p><p><span style="color: white; font-size: 13.5pt;">About 2 weeks ago I was sitting
at my parents’ kitchen table playing rummy with mom and as I was tucking my
hair behind my ear, a chunk fell out. I wasn't prepared. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: white; font-size: 13.5pt;">That was the start of it, hair
falling out everywhere...all day long. It was gross. But luckily I could cover
up the ever growing spot of baldness on the top of my head. My hair is thick.
However, my anxiety was growing. I didn't want to take a shower, to lay my head
on my pillow, to even look in the mirror. I put on a hat, pretending it wasn't
an issue. But in the back of my mind, I was fearing the day a giant chunk from
the front would fall. I wanted to regain control.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: white; font-size: 13.5pt;">My childhood best friend,
Melissa (mother of 6), had graciously offered to shave her head so I wouldn't
be alone in my state of baldness. I thought she was kidding, she wasn't. While
home at Christmas we talked about it, she was ready, I was not. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: white; font-size: 13.5pt;">But it was inevitable. I texted
her. "You in?" She said she hadn't waivered in her offer. So, Monday
afternoon, my sweet friend Leslie took clippers to my head, then the razor. I
didn't know it was possible to feel this free...free of anxiety. I feel in
control in again, that the state of my hair was an intentional decision I
made...not cancer victimizing me.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style="color: white; font-size: 13.5pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a wig. I have head coverings. I have
the best support system. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p><span style="color: white; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="color: white; font-size: 13.5pt;">My original hair: </span></p><p><span style="color: white; font-size: 13.5pt;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiKmRHN8BvhW1x4g-VnXANP5NXl00R44tbIhI1p8b-KXTM63fResV53KjVutyt72rJEfKCX67G3arcWD10OkVISH47wplrFtGr9FGiitUCrPqFqNsTWieHjlXw9BooqjV8-45d8QmByU6WzzwDeIIpWqNHHn36V5m5ZWKW4Gstxa_585Re87z8AMfBAQg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img alt="" data-original-height="864" data-original-width="714" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiKmRHN8BvhW1x4g-VnXANP5NXl00R44tbIhI1p8b-KXTM63fResV53KjVutyt72rJEfKCX67G3arcWD10OkVISH47wplrFtGr9FGiitUCrPqFqNsTWieHjlXw9BooqjV8-45d8QmByU6WzzwDeIIpWqNHHn36V5m5ZWKW4Gstxa_585Re87z8AMfBAQg" width="198" /></span></a></div><span style="color: white;"><br /><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><span style="color: white;">My hair now: </span><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg2fht90b_ozLNNK9WG6IANjkt7M-O5Gvb1Xry0Wiz0Lx5w3Ry3eh1yXkLUo80efpVCzXdU35xBpTbzPzWJ6o7ffALh5oK1dvucHPFeB_pF3et_KXHxGvX5v0hFgaKZfErAQb_CCtlqK4GhbxBgt6hy_hQ9vMn4FfIl9L13T0va_DfhoEJMsGgsFFGilA" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1980" data-original-width="1752" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg2fht90b_ozLNNK9WG6IANjkt7M-O5Gvb1Xry0Wiz0Lx5w3Ry3eh1yXkLUo80efpVCzXdU35xBpTbzPzWJ6o7ffALh5oK1dvucHPFeB_pF3et_KXHxGvX5v0hFgaKZfErAQb_CCtlqK4GhbxBgt6hy_hQ9vMn4FfIl9L13T0va_DfhoEJMsGgsFFGilA" width="212" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiXlwmMHceJOoBfeQQSOGIlcE0r-MCPmdCYi17cm5nW-6xvJ7J8YJbB6uQJFbXScJZrIM57JCOnFE168J953rRtvqk58qwYvzumKny3JjEfD-FfRgBMwpF6sgFu1PEhqpNOHCp-GupCDFKoacl3LkTdrCCxcGXcVByLAvD0loTtutfSiZbTP5DcMSUa7g" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1530" data-original-width="1102" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiXlwmMHceJOoBfeQQSOGIlcE0r-MCPmdCYi17cm5nW-6xvJ7J8YJbB6uQJFbXScJZrIM57JCOnFE168J953rRtvqk58qwYvzumKny3JjEfD-FfRgBMwpF6sgFu1PEhqpNOHCp-GupCDFKoacl3LkTdrCCxcGXcVByLAvD0loTtutfSiZbTP5DcMSUa7g" width="173" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: white; font-size: 13.5pt;">The wig for work: </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiSpOXU7rXMPYkkXhH19Tebm9shorll4XXaiFQrEQy27Q_FewPK3u3QqHHC_NRxpvwHcqq4LVgyTOrcx4e8ft1TYCSi6Zzcjt5o4109ZLzSS9h-8n0P--Ynnfh85yIG2BQt6pBiD-MXkoDY-gP9r3k5qK6F_AiORGVZ72yxZt3aB_lgMTFX1SVuq1M1Nw" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="3664" data-original-width="2062" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiSpOXU7rXMPYkkXhH19Tebm9shorll4XXaiFQrEQy27Q_FewPK3u3QqHHC_NRxpvwHcqq4LVgyTOrcx4e8ft1TYCSi6Zzcjt5o4109ZLzSS9h-8n0P--Ynnfh85yIG2BQt6pBiD-MXkoDY-gP9r3k5qK6F_AiORGVZ72yxZt3aB_lgMTFX1SVuq1M1Nw" width="135" /></a></div></div><br /><br /><p></p>
<p style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: white; font-size: 13.5pt;">So when the hair grows back, it
will be new hair, not laced with chemo toxins...a fresh start. Here's to a new
look, and a lighter spirit. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="color: white;"> </span></o:p></p>Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-27891898792620128932022-12-30T10:33:00.004-08:002022-12-30T10:44:39.793-08:00<p> </p><p class="MsoNormal">Walking into 2023 with many things to be grateful for, but
2022 was a beast.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">January<span style="font-size: 13.3333px;">,</span> I began a new job cross country... in
North Carolina. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">February, I received a promotion. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">May, I was informed our program was shutting down.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">August, I secured a new position with significant
international travel, across 15 countries. To say I was thrilled would be an
understatement. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">November 7<sup>th</sup> was my cancer diagnosis. All travel
cancelled. Chemo scheduled.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Dec 6<sup>th</sup> was my first chemo. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Dec 20<sup>th</sup>, closed on a house. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Dec 27<sup>th</sup>, second chemo. I am currently
sitting in the side effects of fatigue, bone pain, nausea, and brain fog (amongst other icky things).<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Dec 26<sup>th</sup>, car in the shop…where it remains until
issues are resolved.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Dec 29<sup>th</sup>, loaner car provided. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It’s strange to go from pure independence to relying so
heavily on others. In some ways, I would say this has been one of greatest
challenges of the diagnosis. But it’s a pride issue. I hate asking for help, to
feel like a burden, to be in “need.” But we all need something from someone…serving
and being served in return. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It does not help that the side effects from chemo are no
joke, and the fatigue is severe. Luckily, I have some “cancer buddies” at
the office who can confirm how they dealt with it so I don’t feel like such a
mess. Working is harder than I thought it would be, and with new projects launching, I am not wanting to slow down. But I do not really have a choice. Surrender to what the body needs is the only option. I have decided a break from grad school is necessary, and caved. First cycle of treatments will end in March, and then we can re-evaluate. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I smile at God’s goodness in this and at His people. I am
being challenged daily on what Christian community means, what I am learning
from those all around, and what I want to change about how I serve
others moving forward.<o:p></o:p></p>
There's a gift in the madness...a lesson to be learned. Holding on tight. Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-31962279554997568372022-12-17T10:32:00.001-08:002022-12-17T10:32:34.287-08:00<p> I was told to stop googling cancer and all that goes with. But it's hard to stop once you start, especially once the side effects begin. My first treatment was successful, meaning that I survived it alongside the company of my loving mama, lots of rummy playing, a sweet playlist, some strong relaxing drugs, and the sweetest nurses. To put it simply, I had all I needed and more. </p><p>I did have a reaction to some of the post chemo meds making it rough to relax a few days after treatment, and then the real chemo side effects set in. I will spare you the details, but all things related to the mouth pain and taste are the most difficult to deal with. But my taste is slowly coming back and will likely be at its peak right around the time of my next treatment. There were some rough days, but the prayers have been incredible, and I am maintaining a spirit of peace and joy.</p><p>One element I was not prepared for was the brain fog in connection to fatigue. This made for some interesting moments at work when trying to articulate my thoughts during meetings. But now I know, and can be more prepared. It's a huge learning curve, but by the end of March, this will all be in the past.</p><p>Now that I know chemo isn't going to kill me (literally), my next biggest fear is the loss of my hair. I would be lying if I said this was not a daily concern of mine. I was grateful to be the recipient of a grant that paid for a special treatment that one can undergo during chemo that attempts to reduce hair loss. It's a significantly painful process of placing a cooling cap on your skull for approximately 4 hours. It is set to below freezing and looks amazing ;) </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEixiEW9-6XPNjxObPQFWJ2JiEmiFcEfyADsIXd8Tz2jc02zLDyuIvkiW2lm1X6jDZbeYdn8eZRnTksRSIHMZr6wISZKy1qLGCW1D7KTTB0C73u6dHpES6EXpOqnAEWHEThiJ6tVA2c1nWB5YvRzcnPpWLtEZIaYssdY7ChTVQcNNLOLiTTJrJxUuWtCzw" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1936" data-original-width="1452" height="344" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEixiEW9-6XPNjxObPQFWJ2JiEmiFcEfyADsIXd8Tz2jc02zLDyuIvkiW2lm1X6jDZbeYdn8eZRnTksRSIHMZr6wISZKy1qLGCW1D7KTTB0C73u6dHpES6EXpOqnAEWHEThiJ6tVA2c1nWB5YvRzcnPpWLtEZIaYssdY7ChTVQcNNLOLiTTJrJxUuWtCzw=w258-h344" width="258" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>But even wearing it does not guarantee I won't lose some or all of my hair. And then there's the eyelashes and eye brows also likely to go. However, artificial lashes and brows have been ordered. I just want them ready for the day it happens.</p><p> I don't quite know how to process this fear and/or how I will react when it happens. It's a vanity driven anxiety that shouldn't be a big deal. But I assure you it is. Prayers for the insecurity around this are much appreciated.</p><p>I get to spend the next week with my family in the beautiful Pacific Northwest and then will return for my 2nd treatment of the 27th. Knowing I have the ongoing love and support of so many is the greatest gift. Thank you all for walking this journey with me. </p><p>Merry Christmas</p><p><br /></p>Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-13502340443340529972022-12-02T16:25:00.003-08:002022-12-02T16:47:47.369-08:00<p> </p><p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: rgb(68, 68, 68);"><span style="color: white;">As things are getting started, the updates are a little bit
more frequent. Please continue to pray, particularly over this next week. I am
asking for my family to be lifted up as well. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: rgb(68, 68, 68);"><span style="color: white;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This morning I had the
surgery where my med port was placed on my chest. After almost having it
canceled (due to my mistake of drinking water prior to the procedure), they approved
to go ahead. Whew! Also, I need to be better at my post anesthetic comments…never
a dull moment. So humbling. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: rgb(68, 68, 68);"><span style="color: white;">I am home this weekend recovering and working on a grad
school paper. Grateful that my institution gave me a slight extension to get my
work turned in after the chaos and stress of the last few weeks. Chemo starts
Tuesday, and it will be combined with the immunotherapy treatments as well. I
have an incredible family and they have made arrangements for my mom to travel
in on Monday and stay with me for the week. What a gift she is. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: rgb(68, 68, 68);"><span style="color: white;"> As someone who doesn’t take medication and tries to
avoid it at all cost, I can say with no hesitation that I am terrified of the
effects of the chemotherapy on my body. Everyone knows that chemo does not have
a good reputation. If I let it, the fear and anxiety could control me. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: rgb(68, 68, 68);"><span style="color: white;">I must remain positive. Trying to marinate on the fact that
it is a rare blessing to live in a country that can provide life-saving
healthcare mechanisms to counter this disease inside my body. And this particular
stinker is quite aggressive. It does what it wants. But the majority of
people in the world do not have this privilege of solid treatment at their
fingertips. For me, it is easy to get lost in the inconvenience of it all. But
in the grand scheme of things, it’s a small price to pay. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: rgb(68, 68, 68);"><span style="color: white;">One of my highly respected colleagues at work has just gone
through this process herself after being diagnosed with stage four cancer. She
hosted me in her home last evening, and was up at 5 AM to take me to my
surgery. She has been a sacrificial companion in offering words of wisdom, some
difficult truths, and gentleness while graciously opening up about her own
experience. I am amazed at the comfort that comes from the joy I detect in
others who have walked this road. And in all honesty, they are coming out of
the woodwork. I had no idea. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: rgb(68, 68, 68);"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: #444444;">Overall, my greatest peace has come in knowing that I have a strong community of generosity and support surrounding me on every side, every day... and this extends
all across the globe. If there’s one thing that I have been challenged on, it
is to not give up on recognizing the gentleness and compassion of the body of
Christ. I am lathered in it daily and am witnessing the beauty of God’s
love displayed in His people. The image of God is radiant. This is how we were designed. This is what</span></span></span><span face=""Arial",sans-serif" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: rgb(68, 68, 68); color: white;"> </span><span face=""Arial",sans-serif" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: rgb(68, 68, 68); color: white;">G</span><span face=""Arial",sans-serif" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #444444; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; background: rgb(68, 68, 68); color: white;">od’s
word teaches. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>New levels of grace abound. </span><o:p></o:p></p>Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-68397042666707170622022-11-23T05:51:00.000-08:002022-11-23T05:51:04.037-08:00<p> </p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Be careful what you pray for.
I am serious. This last year has been a roller coaster. Following a difficult
personal situation last fall, I was offered the chance to take my dream job,
but it required a move across the country. Reluctantly, I agreed. Leaving my
life in the Pacific Northwest near family and friends stung. Craving stability,
I was tired of always moving around. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Although this job is pretty outstanding, I have found myself struggling with how my work, worldview, and theology
all come together, particularly in the international humanitarian context.
Being part of the church in America today has only made it worse, and I found myself re
evaluating the very glue that had always been my foundation. It wasn’t Jesus I
was wrestling with…it was those of us that identify as <i>Christian.</i> But I
was no better, and I could feel my heart was becoming hard. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">I remember avoiding my
journal…worried what would come out on paper. But at some point, I knew I had
to be honest with myself. Life was about to get crazy as work trips around the
world were starting to pile up (YIPPPPEEE!), and I knew that it would be
challenging to find time to slow down, reflect, and make tangible strides to
address the state of my heart. So I prayed that I would gain perspective. I
wanted to be softer. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Little did I know the very
specific answer to that prayer speeding my way. Every time we pray, heaven
moves. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Yikes.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">So here I sit, with cancelled
work trips, google search history on wigs, and sore, bruised veins. My very
independent lifestyle is requiring me to ask for help…and honestly, that’s
okay. Because I also have a flood of messages from loved ones offering to stay
with me during my treatment and surgeries. I am in awe of the vast support even
my work community is providing. My parents have turned their lives upside down
to be here and make sure I have what I need. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">My world is changing, and
there’s no going back. Choosing joy. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-82901025437398407382022-11-15T08:50:00.003-08:002022-11-15T08:50:32.585-08:00<p> </p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: white;">Thank you. I am in awe of the support received this
past week.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: white;">Thank you for praying for me, my family and for choosing
to stay in the loop. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: white;">It means a lot. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: white;">I likely will not be posting regular updates, but
as many things are being determined this week, I wanted to make you aware of where
I am at. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: white;">Why? Because I need your prayers…for my body, my
mind, and my family. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: white;">Last week, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. As
of right now, we know it has spread to a lymphatic system, but it won’t be
until next week that I will know if it has traveled elsewhere. After a thorough
scanning of the bones, internal organs, and lungs, we will likely have the
answers we need.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: white;">The other big part of this is the genetic testing.
Why? Because I have 3 full blooded sisters and 4 biological nieces. If it comes
back that I have the BRCA gene then this will likely result in an invasive and
difficult surgery. Regardless, some type of surgery is inevitable. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: white;">When I meet with my oncologist next week and receive
the test results, she will be able to provide me with the recommended
treatments plan. I need to be ready for chemo, hormone therapy, and potentially
radiation. This is a lot. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: white;">I welcome all prayers. Thank you again. </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-77155736648732339352021-12-27T15:02:00.004-08:002021-12-27T16:22:33.014-08:002021: The Year of the Gut<p><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: #444444; color: white; font-size: small;">Gains vs losses. It’s easy. So logically speaking, it shouldn’t be this hard to put everything into its clearly defined box labeled as good or bad…positive or negative…dangerous or safe. But wisdom is knowing when your heart is busy feeling.</span></p><p style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: #444444; color: white;">But what can you really know? <br />I knew it was a risk, but I did it anyway.<br />I knew my gut was off, but I explained it away. <br />I knew what suspicious looked, felt and tasted like…but I challenged my own intellect. <br />Did I really know? I did. I knew.<br />Do you ever wish you didn’t have such strong intuition about things? That the pit in your stomach was just the remnants of a paranoid, jaded overthinker? But our mind never stops studying for the test of life…<br />and whether we intend to or not, we learn people.<br />Even though every person is unique, one can’t help but draw connections between the patterns experienced over time. There are rhythms we lock into without even realizing it. Subconsciously, our minds automatically connect the dots between the norms it constantly absorbs, and what you see, experience, hear, thus feel. As a result, you are both producing and receiving those human patterns and systems, even though it is unintentional. We are not as mysterious as we wish we were, words can only hide so much. But you are effortlessly more intelligent than you realize.<br />Sometimes, we let our desires and emotions assist in drawing conclusions that the gut pushes back on. Its role is to protect. It ignites the senses in your body to alert the mind that a vulnerability is pending. So when that happens, stand guard.<br />When you struggle to relax, feel your shoulders tighten and your stomach muscles clench, that’s your biological response to truth. That’s the physiological alarm bells that you need re-assess. Listen to your body. </span></p>Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-38894232278728120392019-04-11T17:07:00.002-07:002022-11-15T08:25:14.339-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; line-height: 11.75pt;">
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 13.5pt;">I am a Christian. There, I said it. But there have been moments of me staying quiet, conflicted over whether I wanted people to know. Once bold about my faith, I currently find myself facing an internal battle. Why does the title I once bore with such joy, now seem a burden? </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="font-size: 18px;">I work in a field where this affiliation does not necessarily carry the positive image, one might expect.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: white; font-size: 13.5pt;">I knew that bringing this up by putting it into writing could cause backlash. <i>What would my fellow Christians think</i>? But I am perplexed in regards to the patterns I see going on around me and have taken part in myself. I look at the words I have used when in conflict, my attitude when addressing someone I deeply disagree with, and the distance I have put between myself and loved ones struggling. Then I look at scripture. They do not align as often as they should. But it's not just me. It's all around me. And as I have been told again and again of what my title as <i>Christian </i>is often interpreted as, I can't be proud. </span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />In a world where we are called to love, we have somehow developed a global reputation for being the <i>exact opposite</i> of that. In a time where people need to be pointed to Jesus, we seem to have caused His followers to appear cold, compassionless, hateful, divided, and full of arrogance. What is happening? </span><br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span>
<br />
</span><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 13.5pt;">I am not saying we shouldn't stand up for the truth we believe is laid out in scripture. </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 13.5pt;">I am not endorsing cherry-picking parts of the Bible easier to accept, while discarding those sections that make us uncomfortable. </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 13.5pt;">I am not calling us to stay silent about what we know is wrong. </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 13.5pt;"></span><br />
</span><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: white; font-size: 13.5pt;">I am questioning the apparent disregard of love in how we are known to deal with people. </span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 13.5pt;">What if Jesus was walking amongst His church right now? I shudder. <i>How</i> did we get here? When did we become <i>this?</i> Are our current actions demonstrating the way of living by the Fruit of the Spirit…a walking, talking example of the image of Christ in us? Where is the grace that has been offered to us that we stand on and proclaim confidently as the foundation of our beliefs? Is it not pumping through our veins every day sustaining our existence?</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 18px;">We are doing some things, well. I do see that. But if the perception of our actions is not that of God's love, then we are missing the mark. Even good intentions can cause harm, and I think we have arrived at that very place. God has a standard for how He calls us to live and we believe there is freedom in abiding according to His sovereign plan. But somehow, it seems we have forgotten our call to treat others with respect when we communicate our differences with them.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />When addressing someone that we disagree with or see behaving inappropriately, we are commanded to treat them with gentleness and humility. We can stand for something without eliminating the fact that we are dealing with an actual person...flesh, blood, and a soul created in the image of God.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><o:p></o:p><br />
</span><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 13.5pt;">The world should be looking at the church as <i>the</i> <i>example</i> of how to love. We have been commanded to uphold the standard on what it means to serve selflessly. The world should be able to come to us with full confidence that we will treat them with grace, patience and respect, no matter if we agree or not. It should be a no-brainer: Christians = LOVE. We should be the safe place, the haven to run to. But that is not the current reality of what we are known for. Shame on me. Shame on us.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><o:p></o:p><br />
</span><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 13.5pt;">As Christians, we have a beautiful advantage. We can remain grateful of the grace Jesus pours down on His church, even as we work to address the negative behavior we often display to others. Our humble response should be to share that very element of grace in how we carefully handle the sin around us, in how we pray with and for the world, and in how we stand to seek His glory as our primary agenda. </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />How can we better reflect the true, living God? It's a big task, but we can pull together and do it. </span><br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 13.5pt;">We have to. </span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-52500449880643960392018-12-31T13:06:00.003-08:002018-12-31T13:25:07.507-08:00I too am guilty of this...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
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“God is so good.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s a phrase that should make me joyful,
because He is so <u><i>so</i></u> good. But I often find myself cringing at the sight of it
these days. I am not trying to over spiritualize or appear as a cynic with the
western church. But there are some truths to be considered in how we view the
goodness of God.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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It’s easy to rejoice when we get what we want: a baby, a
spouse, our dream job, a raise, or a house. It’s easy to praise Him after a sweet year of little drama and dreams being fulfilled. Aren’t those all reasons
to rejoice? And we should thank Him when He blesses us with comfortable gifts that we are not owed. He isn’t good
because He gives us “good things”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
isn’t good because we are saved from pain or danger. He is good because it
defines Him…apart from our circumstances. Yet so often we link this phrase to our
desires being fulfilled. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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My concern lies in the moments where He is still good, yet
we hesitate to say so. Sitting with a dying loved one, knowing they
have minutes left…God is still good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When
your spouse walks out on you to be with another…God is still good. When the
baby you have prayed for doesn’t make it through the pregnancy…God is still
good. When it happens three more times...God is equally as good. When your pastor comes forth with moral issues to confess…God is still good. When a jerk
is promoted instead of you…God is still good. When you are falsely accused and
your reputation is destroyed…God is still good. When your grown child walks
away from the faith…God is still good. When it seems evil is prevailing, and the innocent are victimized...God is still good. When your adoption falls through and the child you prayed for is no longer...God is still good. When you pray for the salvation of a
loved one, but they reject it again and again…God is still good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When the drunk driver survives, but your loved one doesn’t…God is still good.<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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And as Christians around the world face true, bloody
persecution, are raped, beheaded, imprisoned, and tortured…God is still good. Yes…even
to them, He is good. He is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">so</i> good to
them. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Matthew 5:10)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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He is not better to those of us spared from the agony
of persecution. He is not good because He chooses to keep us from it, allowing
it to be easier for those Christians living in the west. His goodness is beyond that. Contrary to popular belief, Jeremiah
29:11 is <i>not</i> a promise that we will be safeguarded. It’s not an escape from
death, torment, or suffering. Those things are inevitable, particularly for
believers…of that we can be sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Rather, this passage serves as a comfort that He knows the pain and is
with you while you persevere. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Instead of focusing primarily on the sweet gifts, we are
equally responsible to praise<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Him amidst
the suffering that can’t be endured alone. Yes, God is good. Say it again and
again: when you can’t stop beaming with gratitude, and when you are crying so
hard you your sobs turn to silent moans. Because feeling His goodness is not enough…you
must know it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
<i><b>*Dedicated to the persecuted church around the world, who may have just had another terrible year, yet press on with hope...praising still. </b></i></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br /></div>
Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-4681127296288182742018-12-28T09:00:00.000-08:002018-12-27T16:20:41.477-08:00Personal reminders going into the New Year...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<h2 style="text-align: left;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 2;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">REMEMBER...</span></i><b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="background: white; color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Don't give yourself
too much credit in your ability to think and reason. You are only human. </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="background: white; color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Count those blessings. Thanking God
aloud often makes a difference </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">When you think of yourself as
"not that bad" it makes it easy to compromise your actions</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Spread joy. </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Stop spending so much energy on being frustrated</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><br />
Winning isn't everything</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">People matter more than tasks</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">We can't control everything...</span></i><i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">but we can choose how to react</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Life isn't fair</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><br />
Humility...humility...humility </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Lying to yourself only prevents you
from personal growth</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Criticism can be a good
thing, even when it hurts</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Stop dwelling on what you think
"life owes you", and live in service to others. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Smile</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Apologize </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Stop making excuses, and admit when you
are wrong</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Pray for your enemies</span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Self care is vital. Silence is a good thing. Sleep is even better. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Saying "no|" to things is okay too...</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16pt;"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16pt;">Deal with your sin. Don't ignore the power it has over you. You can't conquer it on your own. You need Him...every single day</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Choose your words carefully,
especially when someone else's feelings or reputation are at stake </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Give people the benefit of the doubt</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">When in conflict, trust your gut, your heart can be misleading</span></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Listen more, talk less</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Be patient. Others are patient with you.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><br />
What is going on inside you will be displayed through your actions and
words </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="background: white; color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Accept that there
are many things you will never understand and simply do not know </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Extend grace even when you are
wronged...n</span></i><i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">o one is perfect. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Each person has to deal with their personal weaknesses. Just because your issues are different does not mean you are better. </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><br />God can change anyone...remember Saul turned Paul? </span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Saying it again...count those blessings</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><br />
Pray. Pray. Pray. </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Relax, breathe</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">You are not alone. You are
forgiven. </span></i><i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">You are loved. </span></i></div>
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Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-51114222989003689422017-11-14T06:35:00.002-08:002022-11-15T08:25:35.606-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="color: white;"><i><b><span>Many people I know are suffering. And my struggles seem quite small, in comparison. But pain is deep, their longings pure, but their faith stands firm, proving God's faithfulness in their examples to me. I wrote a piece, with them in mind. God is so good, in how He reminds us of His care, and brings about strength in the right moments, and through the right people. As I think through the terrors some are facing, I see His glory, and thank Him for His presence with His children.</span></b></i><br />
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<i><b><span style="color: white;">I dedicate this poem to some strong warriors who demonstrate spirit filled courage. </span></b></i></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b>A few words were spoken, and my world was broken.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b>My heart was shattered like glass.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b>I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b>Couldn't find tears to weep...</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b>Hiding under a mask.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b>What do you say when you <i>can't even</i> <i>pray?</i> When your faith takes flight soaring away?</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b>When the rock you're set upon, shifts and is gone, and you're anything but <i>okay</i>?</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b>Speechless now the norm, for when fighting a storm</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b>The soul craves a break from feeling</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b>Your mind puts up walls, for processing the calls</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b>Requiring you to start healing</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>What do you say when you <i>don't want to pray</i>? </b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>When your God feels like a stranger?</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b>When the truth you once knew, takes part in destroying you? Breaking trust, igniting new danger</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b>Pain with morning sun, your peaceful dreams now done...</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b>and a new day of lingering dread</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b>Hope lost in your past, how long will this last?</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b>The joy you once knew, now dead</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>What do you say when <i>you're ready to pray</i>.... </b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>but confusion of His will strikes you silent?</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b>You look up and cry, My Father God WHY? </b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b>Human emotion turned fragile and violent </b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b>What did He say, that dark Good Friday, when all sin upon Him fell?</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>When God turned His face, knowing sin...</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>choosing grace...saving you from eternity in Hell </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Dark forces now shattered, but Jesus was battered, </b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>His love for the Father... our story</b></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>His pain for our gain, as His blood left the stain </b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>of eternal forgiveness...His glory</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>What did He say? What did Christ say....</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>would we care had we been there to hear it?</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>When He chose not His will, as they sought to kill... </b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>stating </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><b>"Father, into Your hands I commit my Spirit." </b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-90481461264065611202017-03-16T06:20:00.001-07:002018-10-26T17:03:16.463-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;">What does it mean to <i>forgive</i>?<u></u><u></u></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;">Throughout my life, I have come to different conclusions about what this process entails, yet one factor remains…it isn’t easy.<u></u><u></u></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;">Some pain is physically destructive, yet other pain is capable of destroying us at the core of who we are on the inside…that is, if we let it.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;"><u><br /></u></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;">In my current line of work, I am seeing for the first time hatred in the form of war. The little bodies of children being blown to pieces is not an uncommon sight in our trauma hospital. As I walk through the wards, I see humanity at its worst: amputees hooked to machines, babies bandaged from head to toe struggling to breathe, dead bodies hidden under white sheets before being placed out in the cold, while the killers linger near by, looking for who else they can conquer. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;">And yet emotional pain caused by others can be deeply personal. It can rock our world so that we question everything. Nothing makes sense, so we find ourselves seeking justice for wrongs done against us. I know that in my case, it can create a rage in me like no other. Sometimes, words have left me completely undone…stripped bare…afraid of everyone. Do I dare trust again?<u></u><u></u></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;">But the question should also be asked, <i>can others trust me</i>?<u></u><u></u></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;">At different times in my life I have also caused hurt.<u></u><u></u></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;">I then cringe when I realize the judgement I have thrown back onto those that hurt me. How do I control those feelings of judgment and anger? How do I wish well upon those that sinned against me or against those that I love? </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">I can’t…</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">not in my own power.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;">It’s hard. We don’t necessarily desire grace and good things for those that cause excruciating pain to others...whether physical or internal.<u></u></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;">But, we are called to forgive even the ones that wake up every day and praise evil, just as we are called to forgive those that may unintentionally cause pain.<u></u><u></u></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">I </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">have been going round and round with how I respond when I struggle to forgive. But it is actually fairly simple. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">You see, I too sin.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">I too, turn my back on God and choose myself over His glory. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">I too, seek my own endeavors ahead of His. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">I too, live in the flesh when I should be led by the Spirit. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;">I am selfish, motivated by my desires, my pride.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;">I am no better.<u></u><u></u></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;">It is natural to look at those that cause pain, and judge them for it…to elevate myself as better. But that being our first instinct doesn't make it right. I am not more deserving of God’s grace, His love, His favor…</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;">but actually equally deserving of His wrath.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;">And when I stand over the bed of a baby girl, whose bloody body arrived wrapped in a sheet with her legs shredded into strings of flesh, yet breathes still…I picture her attacker’s face and must forgive. His sin is no different than my own. I may not be murdering children, but whose hearts am I hurting? <u></u><u></u></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;">I am no better.<u></u><u></u></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;">When I think of the faces of those that have left deep emotional scars in my life…I seek His power to forgive. I wouldn’t choose it if my flesh was deciding. But I know it is a privilege to show love in this way. Others have shown me love when I wronged them.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;">To me, at this stage of my life, I am learning the forgiveness process. But it's a choice to accept the sin of others as equal to my own...to evaluate my sin and view it as dangerous as theirs. And to choose to pray God’s sanctifying power in others’ lives, as I pray it for my own life. I will pray He blesses them, as I pray He blesses me because w</span></span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;">e are the same.<u></u><u></u></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #20124d;">Today, that is how I am learning to forgive.<u></u><u></u></span></span></div>
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Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958501310489906537.post-63555541218095170522016-11-29T20:13:00.001-08:002016-11-29T20:13:11.045-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i style="background-color: #f3f3f3;">What do I know of Holy? </i></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-size: large;">I know that I <i>don't </i>know, nor should I expect to. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-size: large;">If we caught even a glimpse of the spiritual battle going on all around us, would it matter? It might. But that is another example of believing things are significantly more involved, dangerous, and premeditated than we could ever even begin to understand. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-size: large;">What makes me think that I should be allowed to comprehend Satan, God, their relationship...the dark power at work in destroying me, the sovereign Heavenly power at work in protecting me, and the evil that He doesn't allow at times or even let me see going on around me? It's dangerous. It's a secret. Let Him win it...and just trust Him. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-size: large;">I am starting to see that emotions may be the result of my spirit grasping bits of the aftermath of a fresh war...a battle recently in motion for my attention, my life's course, my mind. Just because emotions get set on fire does not mean something is wrong. Feelings may simply be an indication that attack is near, either in the past or future. It seems that sometimes He allows us to sense an attack, but sometimes not. I wonder how many we are saved from, and never know of? </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-size: large;">There are times that drastic life changes are part of it all. Just because God removes us from the course we thought we should be set on does not indicate a mistake, but maybe a rescue. When try to control, but he declines, it is a reminder of His Holiness in action. He is saying <i>no</i> for a reason...actually a "yes" to a blessing...but why is it that we rarely see it that way?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-size: large;"> We can fight Him, we do all time. But I am certain that if we were to witness even a sliver of true evil in action in the spiritual realm, and what the Enemy looks like as he prowls around like a lion seeking to devour, we would think twice. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-size: large;">Would we still fight God at work? </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-size: large;">I am not saying those secrets of spiritual warfare should be visible to us. I would guess quite confidently that humans were designed differently from angels in glory and fallen angels because we can't handle the reality of the spiritual world at work, and what is truly happening. We are only allowed to witness a small degree of it. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-size: large;">It seems we are being protected from what we were not designed to process in our flesh. Although it's real, it's also inappropriate for us. When I take the time to think of it this way, I stop questioning so much. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-size: large;">I (like you) am a key character in these wars, a prey to vicious predators, and schemes are being made to destroy me. They linger, they wait, they attack...I think it's best I allow Him to take over calling the shots, summoning His angels to fight fire for me. It's probably best I never see it in action, at least while it's still happening. Maybe in Heaven, we will hear more of the invisible fights for our freedom that took place during our time on earth. I forget about the unseen, the war, the evil, the Light. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-size: large;">Surrender is the wisest option.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-size: large;">But often I don't remember this....and have to be reminded.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-size: large;">He wants us to surrender and tell him of our honesty...our anger...our mistrust. He expects it. He knows we don't know Holy, understand its course, its tactic, or even its place in a sinful world. What I am learning is that He even wants our dreams. I always said I understood this...I can assure you now, I didn't. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-size: large;">His desire and will is for us is to allow Him to put the shattered pieces back together in the correct form that He wants the freedom to design. Sometimes He breaks the vision we long for, so He can show us a better way...knowing we will fight Him....but still demonstrating patience and providing us with the proper amounts of peace and strength in certain and chosen moments. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-size: large;">He knows. We Don't. That should pretty much sum it up.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="background-color: #f3f3f3;">Ephesians 6:12</b></span></div>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;"><b style="background-color: #f3f3f3;">For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.</b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-size: large;">I read this quote this morning <i>Faith does not say "I see this is good for me, therefore, God must have sent it." Instead, faith declares, "God sent it, therefore it must be good for me."</i></span></div>
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Christy Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09983530775995724418noreply@blogger.com0