Showing posts from February, 2011

At Eighteen

Isn't it interesting when you come across old journal entries or letters? I found this entry that I wrote when I was eighteen years old, my senior year of high school, on the brink of so many things. It is interesting to me to see where my thoughts were back then, how I processed things, how I viewed the world. I don't agree with everything I wrote, but I will type it just as I found it:

I thought I knew all there is to know of world hunger and pain
My pride rides high above itself, blinding my eyes, and making feel as though I have every right to be proud
I know less now, than I did before of what life truly consists of

I spend my days in a perfect bubble, crystal clear and unrealistic
One day though, my bubble will burst, leaving my mind in such a state of shock, my mentality will be perverted
Four walls around me these eighteen years have served as shields, separating me from life's realities
a balance of unbearable pain and real joy
I spend my days in my bubble trying…
As I sit down to relax tonight, the call to prayer is echoing through these cement walls. Every time I hear it, I still find myself stopping whatever it is that I am doing, and I listen to it. Car horns continue to honk, street cats screaming,'s the most horrific sound. The neighbors next to me are fighting with one another again. The walls are so thin. As I headed into the grocery store this afternoon I noticed the shelves fully stocked, and I didn't have to wait in line for check out. It's as if nothing happened, all is back to "normal." But is it really?

Typically, I have to plug my nose as I walk around the huge pile of trash that sits a couple of buildings down from me. I don't even want to know how many mice inhabit that thing...i always count at least six scrawny cats digging in it. But today, much to my surprise I saw a group of families with brooms sweeping up the dust and picking up trash. WHAT? since when did the people of Cairo care about…
I rolled over to look at the clock, 6:30am…really? On the weekend!? Frustrated that I was wide awake and church wasn’t for 4 more hours, I decided to get online and check the news since things had been so crazy with the protestors all week. But my email site wasn’t loading…NO, I thought, tell me they didn’t block GOOGLE, too!

The night before, Facebook had been blocked, which was annoying, but not that big of a deal. I then checked several sites, none of which were loading. My internet connection…perfect…full bars. Hmm…it appeared all sites were simply that…blocked. “You are kidding me”…I kept saying. I needed internet to call the states, or use skype, or anything that would allow me to contact my family back home. Then I realized, contact with those on the outside was out of my control.

I ran to get my cell phone trying to remember the extra digits to call the states…I didn’t care the price, I was beyond ticked at this point. It was ringing! With both my parents on the line I basi…