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Showing posts from 2012

Please hear me out...

A month from today, I will be across the country, gathering with others preparing to ship out across the globe. I have butterflies. So many emotions, so much confusion I am choosing not to give into, fears I am ashamed to admit, and joy and peace that makes it all worth it.
Thank you for patience with me as I took a break from blogging this last fall. It was a much needed hiatus, and I am really looking forward to getting back into it. 
Never before have I found myself being forced to defend a life decision the way I have been these last couple of months. My decision to move to Iraq is not one being fully supported by many around me. I have come to the conclusion that I cannot make people understand. However, I hope they can trust that they know me well enough to see that I am doing what I believe is right in this situation, and that is to go.
I don't question the way God worked in me this year, bringing all this together. I sometimes question His allowance of certain things, but I …

Big News...

Captions of Christy is going to change again as life is shifting...altering drastically. Although, I still am in shock of what I am about to share. It's still undeniably surreal. 
You may have noticed that I took a small hiatus from blogging. Well, there were a few factors involved in that decision,...one of which I am about to share with you.  I have been on a bit of a roller coaster in regards to a possible future employment opportunity. Well, after two months of emails, interviews, waiting, and more waiting, I found myself signing on the dotted line :). 
Yes, I officially accepted a new job. 
Of course it is the first of many steps of paperwork, but assuming all else proceeds as expected, I will be getting a on a plane very soon, and life will be taking another drastic turn.
I have agreed to work for an NGO in 
Kurdistan, Iraq. My position will be Academic Coordinator:Women's Literacy.
After leaving Egypt, I had many questions and thoughts about my future. Certain I would not ret…

Egypt or America...Which is Safer?

"Aren't you so relieved to be back in America, and out of that crazy, dangerous Egypt?" For the record. NO.
I have heard that question repeatedly over the last 9 months, especially the past week with the Middle East breaking into severe chaos, yet again.
If there is one misconception I would like to clear up about my personal opinion in regard to Egypt's safety, it's this:  Egypt is a lot safer than America.
Remember...what many see is foreign media. What is heard is an often confused and misled interpretation. What is read, is someone quoting someone who is at times wrong. And what the news programs so confidently allude to as fact, is often a load of bologna. There's actually a lot they don't understand. 
It was during the Egyptian Revolution that I began to really see the nasty effects of the media, as I was living out reality in Egypt, but hearing fairy tales through the media. Things just weren't lining up. 
I don't normally feel educated about …
"After the Last Tear Falls" by Andrew Peterson, rocked it today.


After the last tear falls 
 After the last secrets told 
 After the last bullet tears through flesh and bone 
After the last child starves 
And the last girl walks the boulevard 
 After the last year that's just too hard 

 There is love 
Love, love, love 
There is love 
  After the last disgrace 
 After the last lie to save some face 
 After the last brutal jab from a poison tongue 
 After the last dirty politician 
 After the last meal down at the mission 
 After the last lonely night in prison 

 There is love 
  And in the end, the end is 
Oceans and oceans 
 Of love and love again 
 We'll see how the tears that have fallen 
 were caught in the palms 
of the Giver of love and the Lover of all 
 And we'll look back on these tears as old tales 

' Cause after the last plan fails 
 After the last siren wails 
 After the last young husband sails off to join the war 
 After the last "this…

Never say never...

Never say never.
I will never go to college.
(King College in Bristol, TN 2002-2006)
I will never teach elementary school in the United States. (Charlotte, North Carolina, 2006-2009)
I will never teach at a private Christian school. (SouthLake Christian Academy 2006-2009)

I will never teach 2nd grade.(I actually said in my interview, "anything but 2nd")
(2007-2009)
I will never teach expats, I want local kids. 
 (CCS, my school in Egypt, served primarily expat kids)
I will never be in school administration. 
(assistant principal at CCS)
I will never understand people's preference to home school.
(I trained and advocated for moms to home school in Egypt, Fall 2011)
I will never move back to Washington state. 
(Dec 15, 2012)
I will never live with my parents again, cause I am an independent adult.
(Dec 2011-2012)
I will never prefer teaching adults over kids. 
(now I can't imagine not teaching adults)
I especially will not move back to the Middle East unmarried.
(umm...more on this later…

Marwa

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Something I have never been good at, is goodbyes. And having my life split between a number of significant places across the globe, one would assume this has gotten easier. It hasn’t. Many places hold severe significance to my story…all have been “home” in some sense. None are rated higher than the other. Each hold a part of me, have formed my heart into what it is today, have worked me over, tugging at my heart, and whispering for me to return. I couldn’t choose one of these places if I had to, so I am thankful this is not a task before me at this time.
Coping, however I can do. I have learned to look forward, to gauge the future with a speck of joy in the mystery, focusing on what is to come, not allowing myself to live too much in my mind, where I can’t be physically in the present. But honestly, it makes me wonder how “natural” goodbyes are supposed to be. My coping mechanism is to block the emotion from taking root for too long, dismissing the reality of separating. I tend to do …

Conditional "Grace", Dreams, and the Call...

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Good news...and bad news. That pretty much sums up life, right? Well, I can assure you that I am just thankful to finally be getting what I can consider some "good news". For those of you that have been keeping up with this blog, which initially began as me processing through crazy life in Egypt, but suddenly became more of my struggle with my faith, you have observed me going through quite a wild ride. 
So what's the bad news? Well, where my sin is, there will always be bad news. 
I realized something about myself recently...and no, it was not anything anyone pointed out, a conversation or anything like that. It was more of a trend I noticed in my thought processes, my journal entries, and a recent blog post I wrote, but then soon after, removed. A string of some negativity jumped out...and I am surprised that I am only now noticing it.
I often have found myself writing about or thinking through the process of GRACE...grace with others, grace with myself, and God's gr…
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Morning glory where are you? I seek that I may find,  a patient leading hand, and gentle peace of mind.  My fears of Your silence, and my prayers for Your will challenge my faith to deepen, remaining firmly still
Morning glory I can't find You.  Your face from me You hide I struggle to feel Your presence,  not trusting Thee by my side

 You ordained confusion to linger,  calling faith to set the stage Ignoring the start of anger? beginning yet another page
Morning glory are You able?  I fear that I might drown. Without your arms around me I fall to the ground. 
Morning glory I strive to know You But see that I was wrong In my perception of Your beauty that to You it all belongs
Morning glory it was hidden,  Your voice which once was sought The purpose of Your plan, was nothing more than my own thought
Morning glory I don't know You, my heart and mind divided But trust Thy ways in spite of pain with fear collided

Now daily I fear Thy will you stripped me bare to bone Nothing do I long for Nothing do I own
Not …

Scattered thoughts of fear and faith on a sunny Saturday morning...

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God demonstrates His goodness to us through the exercising of His will...in it's complete attire.  His will is not always fun, peaceful, exciting, carefree, or desirable. But who am I to argue? I saw an interesting quote yesterday: 


"I believe that there is a tapestry being woven and I only see the back side of it right now. "  Nell Johnson
HA! Yes. I relate completely. 
With the negativity I have felt running through my veins the last six months, I am challenged daily with how to respond to the emotional and human side of pain and misfortune. Like I have stated repeatedly in many blogs recently, I am sensing a strong call from God right now to wait on His direction, before jumping into whatever is next. And many of you know how absurd that feels to me, since "doing" has always been where I felt most satisfied in who I was. He is using this time to strip me bare, and show me a better way...resting...waiting. The condition of my heart, is of more significance to Hi…

Friendship, Vortexes, and Drunk People...

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Just returning from a trip, I reflect. I met some interesting people, experienced new things, and watched God protect Beth and I from what could be some tough situations.

I had no idea that Europeans backpacked throughout the States. I guess it didn't occur to me that they would find our country worth their time... I was oh so wrong. After meeting people from all over Europe and hearing about their travels, I am more interested in seeing some of these places they speak so highly of in the USA.  There's  only 6 more states for me to visit to meet all 50 (New Mexico, Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Vermont, and Michigan). I'll get there someday.
My friend Beth is a British pal of mine, who I met during my time in Cairo. She was going to be in Arizona for a bit, so it only made sense for us to meet up, and explore. I have really missed her, so 4 days together was quite the treat. Meeting up in Phoenix and picking up our rental, is where I would have expected the craziness to…