Today I'm stuck

So much goin on in this little head of mine right now. Dad asked me when I was going to blog again, and I suddenly found myself stuck. There is so much I want to say, but because of certain things, I can't in a blog. But please know I need to be lifted up to our Father now more than ever. Normal has become the lack of consistency and routine, which at this point in my life, I am enjoying. Please know that is a huge change for me. So much of me is transforming...God is taking over...whew. I have not been bored in the almost 6 months that I have lived here...too much that visually stimulates, mentally strains, emotionally breaks, and spiritually challenges. I never know what i am going to face, and I have found that controlling my emotions and staying even is a more difficult challenge now, than it ever has been. I still wake up each morning and think...wow...this is where I have been called to live life again today. How long? I do not know, I only know this is where I am today. But joy fills me knowing i am right where I am called to be.

Last week I arrived home from an 8 day trip to Kenya. Kenya was beautiful, green, lush, mountainous, wild...and the people were so genuine and sweet. I have to say that the people were the first thing I noticed...and I grasped on to their gentle spirits immediately. One of my co-workers who was with me said she found she could relax in Kenya in a way she never could here in Egypt...BAM...she hit that nail on the head. Yes, it was as if my spirit was jumping in agreeance, why is that? We were never quite able to label why we felt so calm in that country. Nairobi is SIGNIFICANTLY more dangerous than Cairo...Cairo is one of the safest places in the world. But the sense of urgency here always is lurking...it's a spiritual and social stress...the heart knows it.

My purpose for the trip was to attend a teacher conference and of course we went early so we could go to the Masai Mara on a SAFARI. That was another dream that came true this year. :) I can't even begin to explain to you how refreshed I felt sitting amongst the splendor of God's creation of wild beasts and clean air. It was like an emotional week at the spa! aww. But the highlight of my trip was the conference I attended. I can honestly say the challenge I received from my fellow brothers and sisters at the conference have cut to the core of things I never knew were weaknesses I had. God used their stories and their lives to speak to me and rip out parts deep inside I never even thought to touch. I am so thankful to have been apart of people's lives that week who are serving all over Africa.

I wish I could be more open about all that is going on in my head, in my heart, and in my journals. In time, I will be. It's a ride I can't pick words to describe...and I have stopped waiting for it to get smooth. I think this is it from now on...I have accepted that i have no control...only the choice of obedience. "When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on....or you will be taught how to fly."