a battle already won
Sin. It creeps in for one purpose...Destruction. Disguising itself as a pleasurable pastime, it maneuvers like a snake slithering into your thoughts and penetrating your veins, til you can't distinguish truth in the midst of a cloudy, mental fog. On the brink of temptation, a plethora of lies seep into your head one after the other. As one is dismissed, another is right there, waiting to snatch your attention. You give in, exhausted at the internal battle playing as if in fast forward. Before you know it, you have trained yourself against immediate guilt...numb to shame...for it is still fresh...and the sinful high remains...hoping to linger. The downhill spiral has begun, yet you don't even realize it until you are flat on your face, not even sure which way is up.
It is my fault that I am here once again. This place, all too familiar...these feelings, as common as breathing, these thoughts, no longer shocking...this confusion, a regular reality. But I've done it again, I am to blame, so no reason to complain. I brought myself here through the pride swelling inside me. I think I am moving, but then find it impossible to shift, even a little. Suddenly I realize I am face down in the mud, stuck, frozen in place. But the realization of where I am gives me the ability to rise to my feet, yet they too now are incapable of moving forward.
"Why again Lord? What happened? Isn't our journey on some sort of schedule? Why did we stop? What? I can't hear you? Will you please speak up? Why are you way over there? Huh? Won't you come here please? I am trying to talk to you."
But then it hits me...it becomes clear. I don't want to admit it to myself, but there is no denying it...I threw myself down in the mud again. He tried to warn me that this part was slippery like a trap I would fall into, but I refused to listen. I had too many reasons why I was okay, I knew what I could handle. I was strong, or so I thought.
It is all coming back to me now...suddenly refreshed. I look up and see that He is right where I left Him. He has been waiting for us to continue , but apparently I was enjoying the muddy mess all too much to notice. As the area around me becomes slippery, I find I myself gliding backwards. Yet He remains in the same place with a concerned look on His face, just sitting there, waiting. My heart, once frozen from the cold of the mud is now starting to soften. Blood pumping slowly, I begin to get my feeling back.
Seeing my reflection in the water of a nearby puddle, I cringe. The reality of the dirt smeared on my face and the realization of what I have become knocks me off my feet and I find myself on my knees...my face against the ground, I begin to sob. Unable to control myself, I wail like a baby...trembling. The more I focus on what I have done, the more I want to give up. "Look at me," I thought. "How did I become this?"
But suddenly, I hear Him. He calls my name. "Come here and we can pray together. Come, sit in my arms, let Me hold you."
Suddenly, my face shoots up, and I find myself rising to my feet. I take a step, and suddenly take off. I didn't feel a thing...but kept my eyes glued to Him as I ran. When I reached Him, His arms were wide open and He pulled me to His chest. He then took His hand, and wiped the mud from my eyes and face so I could see clearly into His. As He pulled me close, I wept. My mud was now covering Him as well, but He didn't seem to care. Rather, He held me gently and listened as I poured out my confessions. He waited patiently as tears poured down my mud stained face. Then taking my hand in His, we began to walk.
"Where are we going?" I said to Him. He gently looked down at me smiling and replied, "to get the others."
It is my fault that I am here once again. This place, all too familiar...these feelings, as common as breathing, these thoughts, no longer shocking...this confusion, a regular reality. But I've done it again, I am to blame, so no reason to complain. I brought myself here through the pride swelling inside me. I think I am moving, but then find it impossible to shift, even a little. Suddenly I realize I am face down in the mud, stuck, frozen in place. But the realization of where I am gives me the ability to rise to my feet, yet they too now are incapable of moving forward.
"Why again Lord? What happened? Isn't our journey on some sort of schedule? Why did we stop? What? I can't hear you? Will you please speak up? Why are you way over there? Huh? Won't you come here please? I am trying to talk to you."
But then it hits me...it becomes clear. I don't want to admit it to myself, but there is no denying it...I threw myself down in the mud again. He tried to warn me that this part was slippery like a trap I would fall into, but I refused to listen. I had too many reasons why I was okay, I knew what I could handle. I was strong, or so I thought.
It is all coming back to me now...suddenly refreshed. I look up and see that He is right where I left Him. He has been waiting for us to continue , but apparently I was enjoying the muddy mess all too much to notice. As the area around me becomes slippery, I find I myself gliding backwards. Yet He remains in the same place with a concerned look on His face, just sitting there, waiting. My heart, once frozen from the cold of the mud is now starting to soften. Blood pumping slowly, I begin to get my feeling back.
Seeing my reflection in the water of a nearby puddle, I cringe. The reality of the dirt smeared on my face and the realization of what I have become knocks me off my feet and I find myself on my knees...my face against the ground, I begin to sob. Unable to control myself, I wail like a baby...trembling. The more I focus on what I have done, the more I want to give up. "Look at me," I thought. "How did I become this?"
But suddenly, I hear Him. He calls my name. "Come here and we can pray together. Come, sit in my arms, let Me hold you."
Suddenly, my face shoots up, and I find myself rising to my feet. I take a step, and suddenly take off. I didn't feel a thing...but kept my eyes glued to Him as I ran. When I reached Him, His arms were wide open and He pulled me to His chest. He then took His hand, and wiped the mud from my eyes and face so I could see clearly into His. As He pulled me close, I wept. My mud was now covering Him as well, but He didn't seem to care. Rather, He held me gently and listened as I poured out my confessions. He waited patiently as tears poured down my mud stained face. Then taking my hand in His, we began to walk.
"Where are we going?" I said to Him. He gently looked down at me smiling and replied, "to get the others."
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