The End

Yikes. Well, here I am, back in my "homeland." But no, it doesn't feel natural. When I boarded my British Airways flight to Egypt two years ago, I intended on remaining there long term, setting up camp and fully engaging my new life in my "new country." It wasn't long into my time there that I realized God had other plans. As I prayed through what to do, I struggled. I didn't want to uproot, but also knew I couldn't stay...however I was unsure as to exactly why. What was going on? Why was this not my "forever place?" I was perplexed...anxious...but willing to be obedient. At the end of two intense, yet incredible years of living in Egypt, I boarded yet another plane. This time, I was heading home, with no intentions of my return, at least not a permanent one. The fear and anxiety during this flight was significantly more vibrant this time. Coming home with many questions unanswered, and nothing but a load of faith, I couldn't help but fight the knots building in my stomach. Two weeks later, the stomach muscles are still tight, I can't seem to relax. I need to just chill, and trust that it's going to be okay...

At the airport...homecoming...the nieces and nephews

Haven't seen my sister Lindy in a year!

There's a lot of books, research, and all round chatter about major life changes in children, and how big shifts in their daily lives can have a severe effect on them long term. I fully believe that, but I hear little about what big changes like this can do in the mental and emotional development of an adult as well. Yes we have had our childhoods which "form us", defining key characteristics of who we become...but that does not indicate that big life shifts, even ones we choose, don't have detrimental effects on who we are on the other side. 

Here are some shots of me taken these past couple of weeks, where I spent a lot of time in my jammies. I am jetlagged, processing, enjoying family, but at the same time feeling pretty out of it.  

Christmas party with my family's closest friends....

                                             Apples to Apples with my brother in laws...

My poor attempt at baking...

Sister time...and getting to know my new niece Sophia

Some of the first cousins on the Seifert side. This is only about half...there's lots of us...quite the fertile family.

Making up a bit for lost time...

You can't just jump back in after two years...as easy as it sounds, it's actually a pretty complicated process. Grieving what is lost, trying to connect with the present, attempting to meet different people's expectations, and find your place in the midst of a world that is used to your absence are all factors contributing to the scuffle of returning home.

I remember back to when I lived in Mexico. I was nineteen, and happy...so full of joy at the life God has brought me into in Latin America. I was learning independence, a new language, had a job, and was fitting in well to a culture that completely intoxicated me. I was blissfully smiling for 8 months straight. When my time came to an end and I returned to the States to begin college, I was mortified. I remember those months of returning home feeling empty...lost. It's not that people didn't want to hear about my "other world" it's just that they didn't know the right questions to ask, or to put it simply, they didn't understand. That wasn't their fault, it's just how it is. I think I went through a time of minor depression, and that was something I didn't understand as well. Visions of my transition out of Mexico have been playing in my mind these past few months...I was concerned I would have a similar experience transitioning out of Egypt.

Leaving behind daily tidbits is one of the strangest parts of closing down your life in one world and re entering another. It's the people that make a place...all sorts. And in my case, the faces I left behind in Egypt knew me so well, that I sometimes get the sense that the version of Christy they interacted with, won't be able to manifest herself the same way here. 

My fruit vendor is an example of someone who took pride in our relationship...he memorized my items, as well as the amounts, and how often I would pop in to see him. He made it a point to be exact with me, cheerful, practicing his his English of "Good morning" and "Thank you".  He consistently refused to let me tip him, and so I of course had to sneak a few coins here and there. I like to give to those that don't demand it from me...or lie and steal.  As I was leaving for the airport to move home, I took a card over to him as a thank you for his daily honesty and integrity, something I don't see in Egyptians on a regular basis. He chased me down the street with his hand over his heart telling me that he was thankful for the words...it was a touching moment to connect with him in that way standing there on the side of the road...no strings attached. He simply wanted me to know that he had connected with what I had written...and it spoke to him. I am so appreciative of his weekly blessing to me in how he served me well. Whenever I head back to Egypt to visit, he and his family will certainly be on my agenda, I look forward to that day.

My students know my mannerisms in a way that most do not, and can read me like a book. Why? They spent entire days with me...we really don't give kids enough credit with this one. They memorized and would recite random facts about my family accurately by saying things like, "Miss Christy, isn't this your sister that..." or "Isn't this your niece, named...who is the daughter of..." I would hear from the parents of my students things they would share at home...I was consistently taken by surprise at how personally they entered my world. They wanted to be part of it, and they were. I talked about them as well. It's impossible to spend that many hours with people and not form an emotional connection, at least it's impossible for me. Walking to the school on my last day in Cairo, to bid them farewell was strange...I don't shut off relationships with people easily, yet I have learned that children can be the most forgiving in circumstances such as these.  

One of the most special and difficult parts of my farewell process was walking away from those I worked with. There was no question that I loved my job...always looked forward to a new week, and part of that was due to the warm smiles and laughter that always met me at the door each day.

Some of my Egyptian co-workers :)

My co workers can detect my moods, know my crazy stories, what makes me stressed, how to cheer me up, what makes me laugh, what I pack for lunch, as well as little quirks about me like that I am always freezing, am rarely seen without a scarf, have a "kid voice" that I do, a teaching voice, a telling stories voice, sometimes snort when I laugh, love McDonald's delivery, get my ADHD hair caught on EVERTHING, make awkward mistakes with my Arabic,  always need change for taxis, am freaked out of Egyptian mice, only drink water with crystal light packets, can't do math, don't understand computers, love to imitate little Korean children, and always find myself in classic awkward situations. We pick up on one another's expressions, know who would appreciate which jokes,  and how to love on one another in a way that meets each others needs. All that is to say those people know the daily Christy. Shutting that off is more difficult to process than people realize. My co workers were at the top of my list of my favorites in Egypt. They played a key role in my daily smiles. They loved me well. 

This is a family I had the privilege of working with for two years...

Coming home, you quickly learn how much gets lost in distance. Family will always be family, and although they know me to a depth that others don't, they also reap the consequences of not knowing who I am on a daily basis....as do I in regards to them. It's tough with family, but at the same time, there is a certain element of grace that goes along with them. I am fortunate to have a close family, who makes it a point to know me...I know what a gift this is...especially in times like this one.

 Another hard factor leaving Egypt after 2 years, is dealing with the gross prejudice of the western mindset toward Muslims. The fact that the majority of Americans are uneducated on this topic produces severe consequences. I was not ready to fight this battle with people...but at the same time, I knew it was coming. Egyptians are ignorant about many things...but most Americans are ignorant about Islam and Muslims, and the worst part is many they don't care.

So where does all this leave me? I don't know. I am not sure where to go from here, not feeling pulled in any direction...mourning the loss of some very special elements to my life which are no longer a reality to me, yet sensing a very real presence of our sovereign God. Do I believe Him? Not do I believe IN HIM, but do I believe Him? Yes.

When circumstances change? When those closest to me don't understand? When my heart feels hallow? When I don't know what to pray? When hopes crumble? When my sin slaps me in the face? When friends fail me? When my world transforms? When I am lost with what choice to make? When my heart is torn? When I can't find the words? When I don't know why? Yes. I believe Him.

I believe that the same God who took me out of North Carolina, moved me to Egypt, and now brought me home to Washington, is intricately working the plans out for a story that He wrote, directed, and is producing daily through His lense...according to His calendar...and on His divine terms. It's not painless, but it is bearable. It has to be. Sheesh.  Once again, it's so not about me. It's the moments that I lose sight of this that my heart rate sky rockets and my stomach churns...my head wants to explode. But as I have been challenged these past two years, and still struggle with believing, His ways are indeed higher, more meaningful, full of His grace and abundant wisdom. I am safest there.

I am so incredibly thankful for Egypt, and the way it served me these past two years...below are some pics of me "on the job"...I hope you enjoy looking back over my time in Cairo with me...