About 2 weeks ago I was sitting
at my parents’ kitchen table playing rummy with mom and as I was tucking my
hair behind my ear, a chunk fell out. I wasn't prepared.
That was the start of it, hair
falling out everywhere...all day long. It was gross. But luckily I could cover
up the ever growing spot of baldness on the top of my head. My hair is thick.
However, my anxiety was growing. I didn't want to take a shower, to lay my head
on my pillow, to even look in the mirror. I put on a hat, pretending it wasn't
an issue. But in the back of my mind, I was fearing the day a giant chunk from
the front would fall. I wanted to regain control.
My childhood best friend,
Melissa (mother of 6), had graciously offered to shave her head so I wouldn't
be alone in my state of baldness. I thought she was kidding, she wasn't. While
home at Christmas we talked about it, she was ready, I was not.
But it was inevitable. I texted
her. "You in?" She said she hadn't waivered in her offer. So, Monday
afternoon, my sweet friend Leslie took clippers to my head, then the razor. I
didn't know it was possible to feel this free...free of anxiety. I feel in
control in again, that the state of my hair was an intentional decision I
made...not cancer victimizing me.
I have a wig. I have head coverings. I have
the best support system.
My original hair:
My hair now:
So when the hair grows back, it
will be new hair, not laced with chemo toxins...a fresh start. Here's to a new
look, and a lighter spirit.
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