The Loss of Aimee

 I was told to stop googling cancer and all that goes with. But it's hard to stop once you start, especially once the side effects begin. My first treatment was successful, meaning that I survived it alongside the company of my loving mama, lots of rummy playing, a sweet playlist, some strong relaxing drugs, and the sweetest nurses. To put it simply, I had all I needed and more. 

I did have a reaction to some of the post chemo meds making it rough to relax a few days after treatment, and then the real chemo side effects set in. I will spare you the details, but all things related to the mouth pain and taste are the most difficult to deal with. But my taste is slowly coming back and will likely be at its peak right around the time of my next treatment. There were some rough days, but the prayers have been incredible, and I am maintaining a spirit of peace and joy.

One element I was not prepared for was the brain fog in connection to fatigue. This made for some interesting moments at work when trying to articulate my thoughts during meetings. But now I know, and can be more prepared. It's a huge learning curve, but by the end of March, this will all be in the past.

Now that I know chemo isn't going to kill me (literally), my next biggest fear is the loss of my hair. I would be lying if I said this was not a daily concern of mine. I was grateful to be the recipient of a grant that paid for a special treatment that one can undergo during chemo that attempts to reduce hair loss. It's a significantly painful process of placing a cooling cap on your skull for approximately 4 hours. It is set to below freezing and looks amazing ;) 

But even wearing it does not guarantee I won't lose some or all of my hair. And then there's the eyelashes and eye brows also likely to go. However, artificial lashes and brows have been ordered. I just want them ready for the day it happens.

 I don't quite know how to process this fear and/or how I will react when it happens. It's a vanity driven anxiety that shouldn't be a big deal. But I assure you it is. Prayers for the insecurity around this are much appreciated.

I get to spend the next week with my family in the beautiful Pacific Northwest and then will return for my 2nd treatment of the 27th. Knowing I have the ongoing love and support of so many is the greatest gift. Thank you all for walking this journey with me. 

Merry Christmas